Do You Want to WANT, or Do You Want to HAVE?

April 11th, 2017 by admin


Would you rather keep wanting what you want, or would you like to HAVE it?

My coach asked me this question a while back,and it came up as I was thinking about the fact that so many people say they want to grow and heal, but are stuck in and even unwittingly addicted to, the WANTING of growth and healing itself, rather than actually allowing it.

We can get so caught up in the story of not having what we want, that we stay stuck in it, because that’s what we’re focusing on and emanating, rather than realizing our full potential for a beautiful, peaceful life, no matter what comes up.

To want something means that you believe you don’t have it, which requires a belief in lack and limitation; and many times, there is an underlying perceived payoff for staying stuck in wanting, rather than actually having. 

If you got what you say you want, like no more digestive issues, a pain-free body, a 30 pound weight loss, a better paying job, more supportive friends, a more doting spouse, a sense of freedom, or whatever it is for you, what is the worst thing that could happen? What about your life might change that scares you?

To have more friends who are engaged and supportive means that you will have to BE that kind of friend as well.
Do you believe in your own capacity to love and give that much of yourself?

To have a deep sense of freedom in your life would actually require you to relinquish your desire to be in control. 
Do you believe you are supported by Life, such that you don’t ever need to worry about having control?

You can only have what you are willing to become, and becoming is not about getting or acquiring. Instead, it requires LETTING GO of thought-sourced beliefs and habits that aren’t serving us, yet FEEL safe and survivable. This letting go feels scary as hell, and so, we cling to our limiting habits and beliefs all the more, out of the will to survive; however, it’s not about physical survival. It can feel that way, but it’s really the ego that wants to survive–the fear-based part of our mind.

Let’s say you’re a people pleaser/over-achiever type. If you begin to  focus on your own self-care before the wants of others (or what you think they want), you might bump up against the fear of losing their approval. You might feel yourself losing control (albeit a false sense of control) over how others see you. You might start feeling very insecure about the status of your relationships or your job, because a people pleaser must please the people, or else…all is lost (not really, but the ego has us FEEL as if that’s what will happen).

What seems more comfortable–remaining in the wanting of better health/life, OR actually having that? 

When you let go of your belief in the need to be right, in victimhood, in the search for approval, in sickness and struggle, in the need for control/knowing what’s going to happen next, in the fear that you will never be okay or that there is something inherently missing or wrong with you–in any thought that impairs your view of who and what you really are–your mind and body will finally be free of all of that misguided chatter that’s been in the way. With the static gone from the line, all that’s left is the realization of what is and has always been on offer to you:
Your Innate Clarity, Wholeness and Wellbeing. 

Suddenly all of the problems you once perceived are gone, and you realize they never existed, except within your own mind. When you are in realization of who and what you really are, the fight is over, and you are free to soar.

So…I’ll leave you with a few million dollar questions:

1.) How good can you stand it?

2.) How good are you willing to feel?

3.) Could you and would you let go of the beliefs and thoughts that are obscuring your re-cognition (remembrance)  of your innate  clarity, peace, wellbeing, abundance, health, self-esteem and love?

4.) If so, when?

Remember: All healing begins at the level of thought, and you can only heal to the degree that you are willing to let go of stale beliefs and thought patterns. 

Here’s to wellness beyond the status quo. 


If this resonates with you, please feel free to share it!

As well, if you would like to explore how to transcend your own roadblocks to healing, personal growth and success, let’s a have a conversation.